October 11, 2008

recession smokers

Nessie works near the financial hub of the city and she's noticed a lot more smokers huddled outside buildings, puffing madly, since the recession started to bite.

"I've also noticed a lot less discrimination against me from passers-by when I dash down to have a quick smoke," says Nessie, "so I guess the recession is good, in a way, for smokers and other victims of government health fads because it distracts the bullies, giving them something more important to do with their time than interfering in other people's enjoyment of life."

"I'm not a vindictive person, but if this recession is going to cause the government to offload all of the health fad parasites in its various departments in order to save the nation from bankruptcy, then it's three cheers from me," laughs Nessie. "Let them find a real job in the real world rather than swanning around their smoke-free offices finding more and more ways to victimize smokers while living a fat-cat life on our tobacco tax money."

"Let them find out what it's like to be removed from their comfort zone and their addiction to living like parasites on our tobacco tax."

"In fact, let them apply their own sanctimonious advice to themselves when they find themselves reaching for their tobacco tax-funded pay packets and find them empty," laughs Nessie. "Let's see how easy it is for them to give up their addictive comfort zone -- patch that if you can!"

"It would be poetic justice, indeed, if some of them -- stressed out with it all -- took solace in a cigarette," says Nessie. “Very few people are able to quit one addiction without taking up another one.”

"I do, however, feel sorry for all the ex-smokers who've lapsed with the stresses of the recession," sighs Nessie. "It must be terrible for people who've lost money or fear the loss of their jobs to cope with it all -- and who can blame ex-smokers in this situation who say 'to hell with it, I need a smoke’!"

"If they had quit smoking in the first place because of exorbitant tobacco taxes, then they are going to be in a far worse financial situation taking the habit up again," says Nessie. "It's always bothered me why governments would tax so heavily a product that calms people down and makes them feel good – without any nasty repercussions, such as violence or risky behavior -- but I suppose in good times governments can do what the hell they like."

"I imagine that recession worries are causing a whole lot of other 'reformed' people to lapse, too," adds Nessie. "When times are bad, people naturally turn to comforting substances like sweet and fatty foods, alcohol and drugs to make them feel better, so watch out for a lot more drunks and druggies on the streets!"

"Now that the times are bad," suggests Nessie, "I think the government should reduce tax on tobacco -- even hand out packets for free!"

"I don't know about you, but I'd prefer a mass of recession smokers on the streets than a mass of recession drunks and druggies."

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